The Story of the Christian Idiot
Tommy was not the sharpest hammer in the toolbox. When he was a kid, he let a kid in the neighborhood talk him into jumping off a cliff. Luckily for Tommy the bottom of the cliff was a 6 foot sand bed. He broke his arm, but did not die. But, the thing was, he didn’t jump off the cliff thinking the sand would catch him, he jumped off because the kid convinced him it was the cool thing to do. Tommy never learned.
When all his friends were getting ready to go to college, Tommy decided he’d go too. However, he hadn’t prepared himself during high school to be able to go to college. And, his parent hadn’t saved up any money to send him to college. In his senior year when everyone else were receiving acceptance letters, Tommy started sending them out. When everyone was finishing up a successful high school report card, Tommy started studying. He had to bring a D average up as far as he could.
Tommy made it to college with his friends. Half of his courses were remedial, but he was there.
One day a hippie like person camp up to Tommy and started asking him if he was going to go to the jewish heaven. The hippie was surrounded with his adoring sycophants and instantly hooked Tommy. Tommy started going to one of those Christian mythos churches. Pretty quickly he was convinced that everything happened because the jewish god wanted it to happen.
So Tommy was in college and he was in a sad state of affairs. He was always broke. He didn’t have money for over half of his books. He couldn’t afford to eat on campus. When he tried to get a part time job, his C- average started slipping into F. So he quit his part time job and went back to studying.
William knew Tommy from the time they were both 6 years old. William had prepared for college, his parents had saved up money so that he could barely squeek by and live decently while in college.
Anthony knew Tommy from when they were both 10 years old. Anthony had moved into the neighborhood during the booming 80s. His parents had done very well for themselves and had put a lot of money away from Anthony’s college fund. Anthony prepared his grades for college from middle-school on up. Anthony had many scholarships along with his college fund and had a free ride while in college. He was able to buy a car and live off campus in a house purchased by his parents in his name. He even rented out some of the room while school was in. So he got in-state tuition, rent, free ride, and a college fund.
Cynthia knew Tommy from when they were 12 years old. She had taken to Tommy immediately and knew he wasn’t all that bright. She constantly defended him when others talked about him behind his back. She had only about half the money saved for college, but she took out a student loan. Her grades were really good, so her parents never bothered her while in school.
One day there was an event on campus, a concert and pep rally. To go it cost $60. Tommy had no way of paying it. William took pity on Tommy and surprised him with a ticket. They all piled into Anthony’s car and headed to the concert. At the end of the evening when they were getting back into the car, Anthony turned to Tommy and said, “well did you appreciate that?” Tommy replied, “all praises to the jewish god that got me in the wonderful concert.” Everyone stopped and looked at him and then William. Finally, Anthony turned to William and said, “that was really nice of you William.”
Christmas break was coming and Tommy had no way home and couldn’t stay on campus, because it closed. Anthony told him he could stay in his apartment, rent free, for the 3 week break. William and Cynthia came back early, to get a head start studying for the coming semester. So for the last week of break they all hung out together at night and talked and drank themselves silly with soda. Of course, Tommy never bought any soda. The night before semester started William turned to Tommy and said, I bet you liked staying with Anthony rent free, and you didn’t even have to pay for food. Tommy replied, “all the glory goes to the jewish god that let me stay here without paying a red cent.” Cynthia jumped up and grabbed Anthony and said, “oh I’m sure he really appreciates you being kind.”
Finally, it was spring break. Anthony and William were going to Florida to take a break, because they studied harder than the dickens. Cynthia was going to go with them, but Tommy couldn’t go and again he had no place to stay during the break. Cynthia went into the city for a week and got a hotel suite. She invited Tommy to stay with her and just sight see during the break. The day after the break they were all sitting at lunch together. Anthony turned to William and smirked. William asked Tommy did how did he like his fantastic break. Tommy replied, “the jewish god has all power in his hand and provided for me again during this break. Finally Cynthia had had enough. She stood up yelling at the top of her lungs, “listen here Tommy, when William paid for you to go to that concert, last fall, and you didn’t even have the decency to thank him, I defended you. And, when Anthony let you stay in his house for free and paid for your food, electricity and water, and you didn’t even say thank you, I defended you. But, now I canceled my trip to Florida for you, paid for a hotel, bought all your food, paid for all of your sight-seeing trips and you don’t have the sense to thank me, it’s over.”
Tommy said, “what, all those things were provided for me by the jewish god.”
Cynthia said, “no, there is no such thing as a jewish god. It’s all made up. It’s a fantasy so people like you can give your time and money to the people running those damned churches. We didn’t say anything because we wanted you to be free to choose whatever you like to do with your time. But, frankly, you fell for the scam and turned into a worse person than you already were. You thank your damned jewish god for things we did for you.”
“So tell you what, Tommy. Go play with your jewish god and see how much he really does provide for you,” Cynthia finished.
Anthony and William started laughing and cheering.
When Tommy was about to say something, William stood up and said, “I think it’s best time for you to leave us alone. You are no longer our friend. Now go!”
By the end of the semester Tommy’s grades were so low that the school put him on probation. He was required to come to summer school to make up what grades he had failed. When he couldn’t afford anything and didn’t pass, even after studying his hardest, the school kicked him out and forbid him from returning.
On breaks Tommy would see his old neighborhood friends. They never spoke to him.
His mother died and left him the house, which still had 20% left to pay on the mortgage. He promptly lost the house to the bank.
However, he steadfastly kept going to church from the end of that spring break till a couple of years later when he died from being homeless.