Real Estate Investing: The Drunk Letter

The Drunken Letter

As a real estate investor 90% of your business is marketing. Marketing! Marketing! Marketing! It is the lifeblood of your business and you cannot have a business without it. As such, real estate investors seek the best return vs the least expensive way to market their investments or get more properties.

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The various marketing tools were and still are:

  • cold calling
  • direct mail
  • door knocking
  • signs
While no real estate investor would not do all of these, some of these are more successful than others.

Cold Calling

Anyone with a phone and some very thick skin can sit and cold call an entire zip-code over the course of a year or so to see if anyone in that area wants to sell or buy a house.  With telemarketers now flooding nearly all industries, it has made cold-calling obselete. Yes, telemarketers have ruined everyone’s “fun” in cold-calling. No more friendly reminders from the corner deli about half priced roast beef Sundays. No more life insurance agents calling to offer you a free toaster for just having a meet and greet with them.

Cold-calling is dead and buried. No real estate investor, worth his salt, would cold-call.

Door Knocking

As if cold-calling weren’t bad enough, actually physically going door-to-door is over and done with. No matter how good looking, smooth or charismatic you are, door-to-door is a complete waste of time. Why? The largest reason is that the feminists have won and no one is at home anymore to give you a cool drink of water or a hot mug of cocoa while you admire their needlepoint and how cozy they’ve made their home.


Although some people may hate them, signs do work. You might get the occasional busy-body that calls the number on your sign to complain how terrible it is you put up a sign to buy that vacant house that bums are squatting in doing drugs, meanwhile ignoring the political signs that are there an entire year after the voting is over, they do work. Strategic placement of signs work miracles.
The only drawback is retrieving them to not anger the gods of the bureaucracy, that seem to not notice the very trash blowing into your sign, to call you to take yours down for fear of “littering” your “fair” city.

Direct Mail

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There are basically two types of direct mail. Yes there are more, but why bother beating your head against a wall. There is the very inexpensive postcard and the awe-inspiring yellow letter.

The postcard is not new and it’s response rate is a reasonable 3%-4%. You won’t get a huge response, but at 15 cents per card, sending out 5,000 cards should keep you in stitches for at least a week.
Ah, but the granddad of all granddads is the yellow letter. It has an amazing, jaw dropping 35%-40% response rate. Go ahead, read that number again. 
But wait…
We’re not here to even talk about the yellow letter. We are here to talk about the Drunk Letter

Drunk Letter

The drunk letter is a take on the yellow letter that renders its 30%-40% child’splay. First of all, you’re going to need the proper yellow legal notepad paper.  It has to be 20 pound paper. [buy the paper in the image and it ships for free as-is, without any more orders, however you should get at least 5,000 sheets since yellow letters should be the lifeblood of your business anyway
Of course you’re going to print out this letter yourself. The 20 pound paper goes through the inkjet perfectly with no snaffoos.
Now the drunk letter is the new and improved version of the yellow letter.  It is an improvement that is equal to the set of 3 improvements on the yellow letter:
The bulk and dollar letter are almost the same and you can guess how to do them, but the drunk letter is the crazy marketing scheme that really floors people.

Shopping: Protect Yourself With This Wallet

Shopping: Protect Yourself With This Wallet

A shadowy character crouches unseen in the bushes. He doesn’t have a gun or a knife, but he has a laptop. He watches as his prey walks by. Invisible radio waves emitting from the credit-card in his wallet get picked up by the laptop, recorded, and saved onto a cloned card. For all intents and purposes, this man becomes you, and has decided to go shopping.

Or maybe he picked up the passkey that lets you into your office building. With ease, he can now walk into your secure office building and steal your company’s equipment. The next morning, security guards are waiting in your cube to have a chat.


The nightmare scenario was brought forth recently – a bomb lies waiting in a garbage can. Sensitive electronics read the identification cards and passports of the people who walk by, waiting until somebody of your nationality comes close…

Today’s new ePassports contain a wireless chip that transmits your personal data. As with any personal data you need to take precautions to keep this data safe so that you do not become a victim of identity theft. These gorgeous printed Italian leather passport wallets feature our exclusive DataSafe Technology. This patent-pending technology uses multiple layers of radio-frequency (RF) shielding material that has been approved by the Government to meet their strict new FIPS-201 security guidelines. With seven slots for your travel and credit cards, a deep dedicated section for cash that will hold dollars and/or Euros, and an additional three pockets for your (folded over) boarding pass, passport and receipts this wallet will make all of your travel less stressful with the added benefit of knowing your personal data is not being electronically stolen!