How to Let Men Be Tarzan and You Be Jane
Last year, X Factor judge Kelly Rowland, 31, told reporters: ‘The desire to be in control and decide everything myself as much as possible gets in the way. The fact that I can act a little bossy has ruined quite a few dates.
‘I choose the restaurant, I open the door myself, sometimes I’ll even pay the bill. I need to learn to let a man be a gentleman. That must be one reason why I’m single.’
The inevitable consequence of the sexual revolution and the 2nd wave of feminizm [we’re currently in the 3rd wave mind you] meant that women were told to be independent. The absurdity is that this independent movement, meant that lesser women did not understand the lesson at all, and thought it meant to be independent of men. But, then turned around and didn’t understand that that meant being single too. And, they wonder why.
A lot of women today in their 30s and 40s take on the aspects of men, not the aspects of women. Being the boss, around men, means that men will treat you like another man, not like a potential spouse. It is a very glaring fact.
If you open your own doors, pay your own way and drive yourself to a date, then you are a business partner, not a lady. That is the perception.
You might as well wear pants and smoke cigars around him, and slap him on the back when he tells jokes, just be one of the guys. The fact that you have boobs matters little when you come across more like a trucker than a dainty dame.
Why it is So Hard to Let Go
The real problem is that most women, in the yuppie years, cannot be told that they are acting like the man. The very thing that makes them bossy, also clouds their vision when someone tells them that they are acting bossy.
Understandably, the set of skills it takes to get into middle management are the very same behaviors that render them single, being bossy. The real problem is the complete inability to recognize this.
The perfect woman would be a boss at work, and as soon as she set foot across her threshold, she would turn into a dainty dame that cooked her husband dinner and curled up next to him on the couch and fall asleep in his arms.
Lesser women cannot do this. Due to the American educational system, the media, the babying of the country, most people, men and women, only think in terms of A or B, this or that, black or white, 1 or 2. As adults, we are kept in an infant state of thinking, and cannot understand of our capability to be complex individuals with multiple sides and adjust to different people in different situations.
We have terribly juvenile sayings like, “you cannot be all things, to all people.”
That saying is conditioning the person that tries to adhere to it, to mean, you should be hot or cold only. Such a person who listens to that advice could never conceive of being hot, cold, warm or even more incredibly, FUZZY. I mean, what exactly does fuzzy have to do with that list? And, that’s exactly my point. In a world of hot or cold people, black or white people, type A or type B people, a person that comes along that is “fuzzy” would be looked at as if they were a complete alien. But, get this, to other fuzzy people, he or she, would be perfect.
You Jane, Me Tarzan
So how do you let men be Tarzan and you be Jane? It is easy. Be a lady around men.
Sure at work, you can be as bossy as ever. At work, you can tell your employees when to jump and how high, and if they don’t do it, be as snippy as you want. It might not win you friends at work, but what do you care. [ I am being sarcastic if you did not understand. Don’t be a jerk at work. ]
But, on a blind date, be a lady. And, for those that do not know what a lady is, as apparently it is complete lost on this generation, I have a list for you.
How to Be a Lady
- The essence of being a lady and the most important thing that governs all other actions in your life is: “always look for a way to be kind and generous”
- “learn to speak the best English, with perfect grammar” the rest of this entire list will be completely undone if you do not speak properly
- this might trip up many modern women but it has to be said: “always wear a dress or skirt”
- being a lady is about being modest about your body: “never wear anything that lets your knees show, nor wear anything that goes below your collar bone”
- when sitting, keep the knees together, and they should never separate, even when crossing them or switching them to cross the other leg
- this might sound more modern than old-fashioned, but it is actually quite old thinking: “always be organized”
- “always be groomed, even at home, even first thing in the morning” it is a lot of work, but you’re worth it
- “always wear the best dress or skirt for the occasion” you don’t wear a gown to a football match
- “learn manners and always behave politely” this goes a long way in all aspects of life, including business
- “always be kind and expect the very best in people” you cannot go around thinking everyone is going to use you or mistreat you, because a few people are criminals and have criminal minds, most people do not have criminal minds
- “always carry a modest-sized purse with emergency nicknacks in it” things like hairpins, pencil, napkins, handkerchief, small notebook, and things you might need in a friendly emergency
- “learn a crafting hobby like embroidery”
- “learn to sing and play an instrument”
- “learn to write with a pen beautifully”
- “learn at least two classical dances” at very least waltz and tango
- “keep a lean [not skinny] figure” walk for an hour every day
- “learn to draw” this will not only help you appreciate art in general, but it sharpens your own mind so that if ever you’re in a situation where you need to remember how someone looks, your mind will be trained to remember small details
- your reputation is your most precious commodity “never visit a man’s house after sundown” you know what I mean, it is a really bad scene and the neighbors will think far less of you if they see you entering a man’s house after dark
- “never visit a man’s house you do not know personally even in the day time” the real story here is you should not visit a man’s house that has not made it clear he intends to marry you, having “fun” is not lady-like, it is for common women
- “never kiss a man [non-husband] in public and in private never kiss a man for more than 5 seconds” it takes a man no more than 5 seconds to become sexually aroused, a lady does not have sex with strange men, nor with men who are not their husband, to do so means you are no longer a lady, to avoid this, you do not kiss a man in private for more than 5 seconds, if he cannot understand why you won’t have sex with him, then either he’s too dumb [which disqualifies him] or really has no intention of ever being with you as husband and wife [it’s really just that simple] and you may come right out and tell him “I will not be with a man who is not my husband” remember it doesn’t take years to get married
- “never walk alone outside of your home, especially at night” no matter what you think you know, or what weapon you carry in your purse, and this applies to men THERE IS ALWAYS A BIGGER, STRONGER MAN THAT CAN TAKE YOU
- “it is a good idea to share the first 3 dates with a friend, a la double-date” most date rapes happen between men and women that hardly know each other, a lady protects herself
- “never ever have a 3rd glass, and never drink in front of a stranger or leave your glass alone” a lady is never intoxicated in public, and you must protect yourself at all times
- “always have an escort to and from a party” strength in numbers is not only good protection, but is very classy
- “never call anyone after 10pm and do not receive calls after 10pm” people will respect this immediately, even work
- “always call someone back immediately or the next day, even if it is to say that you’re sorry but you cannot do a certain thing” a lady is always polite first, even if it is to say no
- “call and visit friends frequently” a lady thinks of others and this is quite contagious
- “always show up with a small gift, never show up empty-handed” even if you’re the guest of honor, bring something
- “learn how to cook, above average” a lady knows her way around a kitchen, and is organized in it
- “remember everything” birthdays, anniversaries, things mentioned around you for gifts, who’s allergic to what food when you’re having a dinner party
- “never curse, nor say anything rude”
- “always ignore people’s faults”
- “if someone falls, ask a man to help them up first, if no man is present, with knees together, bend down and offer your hand to help them up, while asking if they are hurt” always be thinking of the other persons feelings, never laugh at someone falling down, gravity is always with us
- “protect children” this should be a no brainer
- “always practice table manners” asked things to be be passed to you “please”, no elbows on the table
- “learn a small giggle” there is nothing more distasteful than loud laughter from a “lady” a small giggle will ingratiate you to everyone
- “learn to giggle at men’s jokes” there is nothing more endearing than a lady that giggles at a man’s jokes, and a lady is always light-hearted anyway, so it should come naturally
- “never let people see your open mouth” this sounds very strange, but it goes along with loud laughing, if they never see your open mouth, then you are not laughing loud or talking loud, a lady is always composed
- “always write thank you notes, and by hand, for everything” you should keep a complete stack of personal envelopes and blank cards, at your home desk, for thank you notes for being invited to parties, gifts that you received, interviews, a lady is always thoughtful
- “always send cards for every occasion, written by hand” this should go without saying, and this is on top of any gift you’re going to give, everything comes with a card, and you send cards to distant acquaintances if you can
- “remember to never gossip, never allow gossip to be spoken around you” a lady always thinks the best of people and ignoring people’s faults goes right along with this, and a lady stamps out rumors from even being spoken around her, if all else fails, excuse yourself from the room, or even if you must, leave the house, it is just that crucial. people will get the picture almost immediately, that they cannot gossip around you.
- “visit people” not just friends for friendship, but when they are in the hospital, pregnant, sick, and try to bring something with you, they will always be glad to see you
- “always wear a hat outside” this might seem really old-fashioned, but protecting your skin is as practical as a matching hat, but it also sets you apart if you’re in a dress and hat at all times
- “always wear shades” in beaming summer sun it protects your eyes, in the winter, wear very light colored shades to protect your eyes, again it sets you apart
- “always wear light make-up” even at home you should wear some light make-up so that you look your best at all times, you never know when you might get a phone call to visit a friend in the emergency room
- “people come first” this is the mantra of a lady, other people come first, you cannot go wrong with it. don’t be stupid about it, but do not dismiss people like undignified people do
Looking over the list, you might think that it is hard and a lot of work. But, frankly, it is a mindset and not nearly as complicated as it seems. Being in the right frame of mind is the part that kick-starts you into being a lady. The essence of it, is simply being polite and modest.
Can You Behave Like a Lady and Get Married
Looking over the lady list, a lot of women may ask, can I do all this or not do “normal” things every-day women do, yet still get married. In particular, can you not have sex with a man and he still asks you to marry him. Yes.
Women are finding that being bossy and picky at work is bleeding over into their personal lives and are ending up alone for life. Change from being a bossy, picky, snide woman into being a lady. A lady is far more apt to get asked to be married.
I would venture to say, that being a lady at work will get you ahead far more than being one of the guys too. Men have an almost instinctive reaction to women that act like ladies, i.e. doing things for them without thinking. I would think it would be very hard not to be promoted as a well organized lady at work, compared to being a bossy snot. Sure, you both get the job done, but you, as a lady, get it done while everyone around you enjoys your company.