I’m Just Sayin: Chicks Can’t Wield Two Handed Swords

Female Heroes in Movies Are Dumb

Man with Zweihander

Don’t call me a woman hater or something stupid like that, but when I sit down to watch a period piece, i.e. movie set in a specific date in history, and the hero of the story is a woman, I know it is time to walk out of the movie.  Am I against women?  No!  I kinda prefer women; wink wink; nudge nudge.  But, having a woman jump thirty feet, kick ten guys, while punching five others and then body slamming two, is a bit much for my whole “reality-embedded” brain to handle.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am all for equal pay for women.  I am all for sharing of household responsibilities.  But, I am not going to divest my brain of all sanity and reason for 90 minutes just for the off chance, some obscure lesbian somewhere will get a kick out of watching a brainless bimbo do super heroic feats of strength by taking down 20 men twice her size and weight, in a single punch.  That might be great for that chick, but don’t expect me to buy into it.

What’s worse is, what message does this send to idiot chicks who think this is reality.  And, if you think I am joking around, let me tell you a story.

A chick came to my apartment once, when I was living with two other guys, and she proceeded to manhandle my roommate.  My roommate, being Latino, felt it his duty to allow her to thrash, not only, him, but our entire living room.  She proceeded to body slam him into shelves, desks, books and the t.v.  Well, I being the Capricorn and believer in equality that I am, grabbed her with 2 fingers, by the scruff of her neck and literally tossed her out of our apartment.  I then grabbed the two 90 lb guys that came in with her and told all of them, that they would never set foot in the apartment, as long as I lived there, ever again.  I think closed and locked the front door; told my roommates to clean up the front room; and went to bed.  I forgot to mention, I was completely naked except for a blanket I was holding around me with one hand, so this all took place with me doing this one-handed.

So let’s get back to these movies.  The person watching a movie is expected to identify with the hero of a story, somehow.  When it is a man, male viewers put themselves in the place of the hero, and women put themselves in the place of the damsel in distress.  When it is a female… noone identifies with her.  To this day, men still want to be heroes and women still want their knight in shining armor to come save them.

The reality is chicks cannot wield two handed swords.  Let’s take a look at a two handed sword.  The epitome of two handed swords, at least in Europe was that Zweihänder.  It weighed up to 16lbs and was up to 6 feet in length.

Guards could be plain or ornate, while hilts usually ended with heart or pear shaped heavy pommels. Occasionally a blunted portion of the forte, the ricasso or Fehlschärfe (meaning “missing sharpness”) at the base of the blade allowed a hand to be placed below the lower guard to “shorten the grip” and make the handle like a polearm. This allowed the user to crudely repel a cavalry charge. The swords have hilt-mounted side-rings and enlarged cross-guards of up to 35 cm (14 in) across. Along the blade, some 10–20 cm (4–8 in) from the upper guard, Parierhaken (“parrying hooks”) shaped like lugs or flanges acted as a guard for the ricasso to prevent other weapons from sliding down the blade. – wikipedia

Let’s see how a real man used the two handed sword:

Perhaps the best known user of a Zweihänder was Pier Gerlofs Donia who is reputed to have wielded it with such skill, strength and efficiency that he managed to behead multiple people with it in a single blow. The Zweihänder ascribed to him is, as of 2008, on display in the Frisian museum. It has a length of 213 cm (84 in) and a weight of about 6.6 kg (14½ lb). – wikipedia

So, a man used a 7 foot sword that weighed 14 1/2 pounds.  Excluding a few freaks of nature, for the most part, women cannot even hold that sword, even today’s much larger woman.  Remember we are talking about humans that lived about 400 years ago, and they were not 5’8.  The women definitely weren’t.

The Zweihander was Monstrous

So, what is hollywood trying to push when it makes women wield two handed swords, slide down banisters and kill 30 men?  Well, the answer is simple.  It’s a male fantasy porno.  Mind, you, it’s not mine.  I don’t do porno.

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Sci-Fi is Not Porn

Stop Putting Sex Scenes in My Sci-Fi

Sci-Fi Porn Queen

Buzz Megachip, readied his phaser, peaked around the corner of the Martaplex employee lounge and found Sarah Bimbolucious.  For the next 5 minutes of the movie a sex scene ensues.  Now for the average non-sci-fi nerd, this would seem like a normal scene.  Gotta have a sex scene in a “movie”.  That might be true, except the “movie” is called “Buzz Megachip and the 3rd Quadrant”, a pure nerd-fest sci-fi flick.  The people that would be attracted to this movie are disgusted at the complete porn scene that is in them.  And, for those who do not think a sex scene is porn in a movie, let us go over exactly what is NOW shown in sex scenes:

  • full frontal male nudity
  • full frontal female nudity
  • full back male nudity
  • full back female nudity
  • full sexual intercourse wide shots [ i.e. the guys bare butt, thrusting into a female, while seeing tits ]

That, my friend, is called porn.

Now, let us go over why it is a bad thing to have porn in a sci-fi.

  1. once you start writing a full-fledged fleshed out porn scene in a movie, you have to get super permission from actors willing to do the scene
  2. you have to pay extra for the “sex” scene
  3. you then have to get people to write the “sex” scene
  4. people who write “sex” scenes are not super nerd friendly sci-fi screen writers
  5. there is little to no sci-fi story
  6. the studio is concerned with putting butts into the seats and not nerd butts into audience seats
  7. instead of pandering to the very crowd that made a particular series popular, they try to reach for a larger audience that has never even heard of Buzz Megachip, and usually alienates the very people that made the particular title popular

Yes that means that Buzz Megachip is completely short changed on the entire sci-fi story.  All these riveting “that was not cannon Buzz Megachip storyline” conversations and nerd arguments are not going to take place, after watching the movie.

Of course there is no Buzz Megachip, but this applies to all sci-fi.  In an effort to get everyone to see a movie, hollywood studios try to pander to everyone’s interests.  This is the very same argument against being politically correct.  Instead of actually defining something, they make it so general that noone likes it, or worse, everyone hates it.

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Honor Thy Father

Honor and Parents

Oh, Let’s Also Include…

What if I told you that there are things in the bible that were put in by people who intended, not for you to serve a god, but for you to serve man?  I bet many of you would have a really hard time believing me.  But, of those who do not believe me, what if I asked you, how many of you have looked into where each and every book, chapter and verse came from in the bible?  I bet none, who would disagree with me, have questioned the very existence of the bible itself.  Twenty years ago I had an epiphany, the bible was not true, not from god, but from man.  Then in my seeking where the bible came from, I found a very ugly fact.  The bible was written to keep poor people in place and not to question the authority of the government nor the ruling class.

For everything said about Jewish people, they seem to act the exact opposite way all other Judeo / Christian religions act.  They do not go out and recruit members.  They try to make sure you do not want to join their religion.  They treat their religion as a way of life, instead of a religion.  They do not bow down to an earthly government or ruler.  Where Christians constantly emphasize that you should pay your debts and bow down to an earthly ruler, because he obviously was put their by a god, the Jewish religion teaches that owing debt is a sin and that bowing down to a ruler is a terrible thing.  Where Christians teach you should listen to your elders and do what they say, the Jewish religion discusses the independence of an entire group of people.

Let us look at one of those submissive versus, often fondly quoted by parents to their children:

“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged,” Colossians 3:20-21

It is utter hogwash and nothing more than indoctrinating a slave mentality.  The translation is that you should obey your parents, and by proxy, when you grow up, obey your government.  [note I am not saying overthrow your government, nor become an terrorist]  And, it was put their by English nobility to keep the peasants and slaves in check.  If you obeyed your peasant father and mother or your slave father and mother, then you would never question the authority of the nobility to rule over you.  Even today, people think it is fine to go into debt and not question the entire economic system.  It is what your parents did and their parents did.  If we consistently obey our parents and do not question their authority then we would never ask of our government the hard questions of why our parents are in the position that they are in.

My roommate is a god’s honest globalist.  He literally believes that the government will take care of us.  He literally believes that a one world government would be the best possible scenario for humanity.  He literally believes that being “American” is meaningless and personal freedom is not needed.  He feels perfectly at home with the government coming into his house, ransacking the place, taking what they want and arrest whom they please.

How could such a person exist, you might ask?  His father was a military person.  He was taught he should unquestioningly obey his parents.  He was shown that the government takes care of everything.  What is truly shocking is that his mother and father do not even like him.  Both liked his brother and sister moreso than him, due to their traditional activities, i.e. the brother was a jock and the girl was into the arts.  The brother and sister were the perfect children and my roommate was the odd-ball, quiet computer nerd.  Even given this fact, he was the first and only child in the family to sign up for the military, the marines.

I do not mean to tell you my roommates story, but to point out how twisted a mind can be if they fall prey to this propaganda set forth by nobles long dead.  What better place to put something than in the bible?  Let’s tell people they are evil and bad if they do not obey what the bible says, and then rewrite the bible to tell them to obey the nobles.  Let’s tell the people that the nobility came from god and you should therefore obey everything they say.

I challenge you to question everything you read, even the bible.  Just because your parents forced you to go to church does not mean what is said is true.  If your parents do not know, then surely you do not know.  Has your mother or father ever sat down and discussed what was said at the Council of Trent?

The holy, ecumenical and general Council of Trent, lawfully assembled in the Holy Ghost, the same three legates of the Apostolic See presiding, keeps this constantly in view, namely, that the purity of the Gospel may be preserved in the Church after the errors have been removed.

Council of Trent 1546

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, your bible has been tampered with and edited to fit what some old white guys thought were errors in the “holy bible.”

“You’ve been hoodwinked. You’ve been had. You’ve been took. You’ve been led astray, led amok. You’ve been bamboozled.” – Malcom X

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How to Be a Best Friend

Being a Friend

Best Friends Forever

It seems everyone has an opinion of what they want as a best friend or a “friend”.  You’ll notice that when it comes out of a guy’s mouth, no woman can be a guy’s friend, i.e. without having sex with them at one point.  Yet, it is not a requirement to be a friend to get married to a guy.  Also, a lot of women say they cannot be a friend to another woman.  I don’t know where this division in sisterhood started, but it does not have to be so.  Well I am here to set the record straight, either way, i.e. friends of the same sex or friend with the opposite sex.  It does not have to be a sordid affair or an illicit relationship.

Shakaama’s List of How to Be a Friend

Dominant Personalities with Submissive Personalities – not to sound all technical about it, but it is inevitable that a dominant person will run into a submissive person.  For everyone involved, this is the worse possible scenario, to befriend someone that is dominant to your submissiveness.  Point blank, if you are submissive to someone else, you are not equally friends, and you need to get rid of that relationship.  No matter how much candy that person gives you, you should not be “friends” with someone that dominates you.  The first rule of friendship is that it is an equal partnership.  If you are a laid back individual, then you need to go seek out other laid back individuals.

Familiarity Breeds Contempt – Friendship is all about choice.  You shouldn’t be friends with someone because you work side by side.  You shouldn’t be friends with someone because they go to the same church.  You shouldn’t be friends with someone because they hang out at the same bar as you do.  All of these scenarios have one thing in common, forced communalism.  You are simply friends with them because of a choice you made to be in a place, over and over.  Being in one place constantly, does not constitute the germination of friendship.  You did not come to work because of that person.  You did not attend church because of that person.  You did not go to a nightclub because of that person.  Do not befriend someone, simply because they are located in a place that you frequent.  This simply gives a false sense of familiarity.  Do not get me wrong.  You can meet people in places that you frequent, but do not feel obligated to be friends with someone simply because you see them often in the same place.  The reason I say this is because, you have no choice of what type of personality you will find in these places.  You are getting all of their baggage without benefit of some sort of filtration system.

Choose Your Friends – filtering out potential baggage is the best possible start of a friendship that you can do.  And, to do this you would start by joining an activity or club that someone you would want to meet, would frequent.  To do this, you should have a list of choices of what you would want in a friend:

  • how much money do they make
  • how much education do they have
  • do they or do they not do drugs
  • are they conservative
  • are they communist
  • are they socialist
  • are they globalist
  • are they corporatist
  • do they have children
  • are they single
  • did they go to your college
  • are they a jock
  • are they a nerd
  • are they earthy granola hippies
  • do they send christmas cards
  • do they remember birthdays
  • do they remember your and your kid’s names
  • are they thoughtful

Your list could be as specific as you want it to be.  Contrary to popular belief, making a concerted effort to go after a friendship based on your own conscience criteria is not something “evil”.  You choose who you want to surround yourself with.  It is your life.

Arguing with Friends – It is the mature person that can be friends with someone that does not agree with everything he believes in.  Your friends should not be submissive to you, nor you to them.  They should not agree to everything you say and visa versa.  On that very note, if you or they get upset, it should not be the end of the friendship.  So many people have some unspoken rule in the back of their mind that if anyone ever disagrees with them, then that person is not a true friend of theirs, and therefore should not be their friend.  This, in a word, is childish, by definition.  You can get angry with your friend.  Your friend can get angry with you.  They can disagree with you and you with them.  The adult does not take his ball and go home.  The adult listens to what he has to say, then voices his own opinion, then agrees to disagree if you cannot reach a consensus.

Taking it to Heart – If you or your friend takes everything said, to heart, and thereby gets offended, then you are friends with the wrong person.  Such a person is being submissive to a dominant personality.  If you are taking everything that someone says, to heart, then you are looking for their approval and not their friendship.  The very same thing can be said about any type of relationship you have with a person: parent / child; lovers; siblings.  You need to divest yourself of such a relationship.  If you are taking everything that your parent, lover or sibling says, to heart, then you simply need to stop talking to that person, for good.  It is not healthy.

I hate to sound so cut and dry, but people are suffering from terrible personalities and for absolutely no reason other than their parent did not sit them down and teach them how to interact with other people.  Maybe their parent fail at such things.  Most parents do, especially poor ones.  There is no need for you to torture yourself by being submissive to anyone else’s personality, including your own family.

You are the most important person on the planet.  You have to watch out for your own sanity and health.  So many people are unhealthy from outside stress and they do not realize that it is due to the relationships they have.  Their stomachs are all tied up in knots, over something someone close to them said, but go to the doctor and forget about it.  When the doctor tells them to reduce stress, they try to adjust their diet, or take long baths, yet call that very person on the phone that stresses them out and keeps them in their life.

No other person on the planet is so precious that you cannot do without them, if they are unhealthy to you.

Friends Before Lovers – Everyone talks about love [and by love I mean lust], but noone talks about friendship.  I say, before you are lovers, you should be friends.  You should marry your best friend, not your best sex partner.  A friend can argue with you, laugh with you, call you, pick up your spirits, cry on your shoulder and just sit with you while you read a book or the paper.  This is what a wife should do.  This is what a husband should do.  People go about getting married backwards, i.e. be lovers first then try and grow into a friendship.

You should seek out a friend, before seeking out a lover.  You should have ten girl friends, instead of ten girl-friends.  Then, you can choose which girl friend you would like to marry, and visa versa.  If your girl-friend is financially ruinous to you, and you go about it the normal way, and not my way, you are ruined for life.  If you go the way I suggest, you would already know that the girl is bad news with money, and you’d just keep her as a friend and nothing more.  However, the current way of doing things, you date someone and proceed to marry them, before you discover what a terrible friend they are for you, after the fact.

You want to hedge your bets against getting a divorce?  Befriend a lady before dating her.  This might seem counterintuitive to getting a mate.  The adult does not hand out, “Do you like me? X yes X no” cards.  First, make your friendship list rules, go find friends that fit into those rules and make sure some of them are of the opposite sex.  Then, when you have determined that one of the women are up to your standards, start dating her.  If she can argue with you, laugh with you, call you, pick up your spirits, cry on your shoulder and just sit with you while you read a book or the paper, then getting married to her should, almost be, a sure bet that you would never get a divorce.

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An Investment Banker Explains the Subprime Debacle

Understanding the Subprime Catastrophe

I will broach no more insult to Wall Street for its handling of the sub-prime crisis.  They have, with much aplomb, steadfastly applied the best and brightest to controlling and handling the entire sub-prime catastrophe.  The fact of the matter is that millions of Americans were at fault.  They sneakily signed mortgages for immense houses, at ridiculous interest rates, all the while being completely destitute and unemployed to boot.  I say we put all of those fraudulent buyers behind bars.  They are, without a doubt, the most base of humanity.  They dare ask for a handout after signing these ARM loans that they connived their way into.  If it were not for Hank Paulson and Tim Geithner, shelling out untold trillions for huge banks, to halt their failure, since they are obviously too big to fail, we would be in a complete recession of the economy.  Finally, these charlatans, offered to pay 30% or even more for the same house that only just sold, on the market, not months before.  It is these folks that we all owe the loss of our 401k investment crashes to.  How many lost money on the stock market, in their retirement funds, when the stock market is supposed to only go up.  These idiot borrowers are the cause of all of this mayhem.  They then complained to the government that they over-payed for their houses.  And, that they were upside down in their houses.  It is their own fault for forcing good honest realtors and home inspectors to have to raise the home price at their request.

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How to Understand the Credit Crunch (video)

The Credit Crunch in a Nut Shell

It goes without saying that the most sophisticated and intelligent people are located on a few blocks we all like to call Wall Street.  Under the circumstances noone can possibly understand all the goings on, that happen on that stretch of land on the planet.  Who can blame you really?  You aren’t as bright, not as well seasoned, nor are you as morally pure as say, a Wall Street investment banker.  They are, without a doubt, the most astute beings on the planet.  To say that they were taken unawares by credit crunch, simply begs the question of your own lack of understanding of the crisis.  They most certainly understood and foresaw everything that was going to happen.

On the one hand, we had those thousands of smaller banks who were clandestinely handing out predatory loans.  It is only fitting then that the larger banks and financial institutions, who never practiced such morally reprehensible business, be rewarded with tax payer money, so they could buy up all those thousands of banks to stop their scandalous business practices.  It is reprehensible that ma & pa banks and local credit unions spread their ilk across the land handing out dirty loans to an unsuspecting public, all the while telling them that their ARM loans were fixed rate mortgages.

It goes without saying that, this is exactly why the U.S. government handed out billions to credit card companies, to protect the citizens from these tiny monsters that were providing capital to the citizens at insanely high interest rates.  We can thank the government that no one’s credit cards were closed or limits lowered.  Huge financial instutitions thankfully were never deeply indebted.  I mean, we are talking about the best and brightest here.  And, they, of course, were never over-leveraged to any degree.  It was all those tiny lenders that had made insanely risky loans, and even worse, compounded the matter by engaging in financial mayhem like mortgage-backed bonds, leveraged-buyout loans and high-yield, or junk, bonds.  We are thankful the government had the foresight to continue with the trickle down theory policy of spreading the tax payer wealth.  For some reason the government continues to borrow money at interest from the Federal Reserve Bank, at interest, instead of printing its own money.  I mean, they’re they federal government, they have a treasury department.  But, it’s all the fault of those thousands of small banks and credit unions that conspired to raise the U.S. debt by forcing our policy makers into giving out tax payer money to banks too big to fail and credit card companies.

I thank God for people like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, who are safeguarding the purse strings of America.  And, with Paulson and Geithner at the helm of the piggy bank, we can sleep soundly.

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How to Understand U.S. Foreign Policy (video)

U.S. Foreign Policy and Military Democracy

Noone can say that America is not without complete understanding of the minds of foreign countries.  The presidency has always been the bastion of democracy on the planet.  Only the most forthright and intellectual individual is ever elected to the highest office of the land, sometimes repeatedly.  If noone else is qualified for the job of President of the World, I mean, of the United States, then it is the duty of those whore are most qualified, eloquent of speech, of good moral character, and of sound reason to be reelected, by a generous and politically savvy constituency.

Militarily speaking, only the most moral of reason has the U.S. ever used its military forces around the globe.  And, we only use our military with the utmost economic efficiency.  Any officer in the military that has one iota of conscience will forthwith inform his superior officers, or even the presidency, that they will not be used in any manner that is not 100% in a purely defensive matter to protect U.S. soil.  Ours is the shining example of how a military should be run.  Our troops wash their own clothes, engineer their own weapons and do every possible thing, in-house, to keep our military running at peak efficiency.  Of course they have to, because it is how tax payer dollars should be spent.  Our military can hold their head high and say they would never be used for any sordid economic use.  Our military stands ready to defend us from any foreign invaders.

It is simply amazing how many countries clamor to beg that we come and demonstrate to them how democracy can be practiced in their country.  It is the only reason, and a fantastic one at that, that we send our troops to ensure the safety of our instructors of democracy.  It is a small price to pay, but every American proudly pays taxes to aid our military being used in such a manner.  And, those instructors of democracy have their hands full.  It is very hard, sometimes, to get a good interpreter in those countries, since they sometimes don’t speak English over there.

Yes, U.S. foreign policy is so moral and right.  After all, the country was founded by good Christian men, none of whom touched whine, women nor owned slaves.  We can put our full faith and trust in such men to come up with a system, that we still adhere to, to the letter, to this very day.  To that end, we have sent so many diplomats overseas, to help those poor countries write just such a constitution for themselves.

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